Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
9

The Story of My Heart

Image Source: amazon.com

“I have a story going in my head which I think will make a nice book.” I threw the remark casually over the breakfast table this morning. The soulmate looked up from behind the newspaper, his eyes screwed with confusion. I knew he was weighing what his next line of action should be. Which, for that instance, were:

1. Give me a green signal to carry on, which will be followed by a half an hour of lecture on my part with animated descriptions of characters and events, with occasional demands of suitable and encouraging comments from him, in the absence of which, he will be found guilty and convicted of the crime of being an “insensitive husband”.

OR


2. Ignore me which will result into a big fight and he will be found guilty and convicted of the crime of being an “insensitive husband”.

Proving again that I was smart in my decision, for I chose him as my life partner, he opted for the former.

I took the thread and happily carried on. The next few minutes went something like this:

Me: “There were these two sisters… no... cousins.”
SM: “You and Tia?”
Me: “Aah! No... not us. Ok...ummm... so one of them were very pretty.”
SM: “Tia?”
I gave him an indignant look, and continued, “The other cousin was average looking, just a Plain Jane.”
SM: “That’s you?”
I was visibly irritated at that point, and definitely did not enjoy the frequent interjections. Unflustered, I concentrated on my story again. “So the cousins have an aunt, umm… a spinster, preferably a widow, who lives with them in the same house.”
The soulmate adjusted his seat, and asked innocently, “And who is this Aunt, your pishi or jethima? ”
I retorted, uncertainly, “None of them. The cousins live in a big and old mansion in a posh corner of a small city.”
He scrutinized my face for a moment, and quizzed, “What was the last book you read again?” and seeing my stony face he gladly retrieves back to the world of current affairs.

That was where the conversation ended.

I keep telling myself that how am I ever going to write a book if everything that I ever thought, dreamt, or wanted to do had already been written by an author before me? So, as he guessed rightly, this time, I was thinking of “Sisters of my Heart” by Chitra Bannerjee Divakaruni and developed a similar plot line for my story.

This book had been lying on my bookshelf for quite a time, after I picked it up in Bangalore airport on a journey home. I let it gather dust cause I knew it in my mind that this one story has already stolen my idea of what would have been my first book, the story of two sisters, until I could not resist any longer.

But glad I am that I read it at last. It sent me into a roller coaster of emotions, for all good and not so good reasons. This is a story of two cousins born on the same day into an upper caste all-female Bengali household in Kolkata. The story tells about their love for each other and the bond threatened by family secrecies and jealousy, their lives as they grow together… and apart… and only to be brought together again by destiny.

The story is told from each sister’s perspective, and each chapter moves back and forth between the two protagonists. Coming from a similar background (as u might have already guessed, since I was ready to write another book on the same), I could identify myself with both the protagonist, Anju and Sudha. (Yes, Anju is me, Sudha is Tia, hahha). This is my first CBD book, and I immediately fell in love with her writing. Her writing is like flowing poetry, and the language is very artistic. I wonder if any non-Bengali reader thought that the young girls, Anju and Sudha, speaks in a flowery way, cause that’s how Bengali girls spoke in late 80’s and early 90’s, until commercialism changed the attitude of young Bengali girl’s in modern India.

The characters are very real. The way Aunt Nalini wails at every small lapse and declares how it would not have been accepted in her own father’s well-maintained household wonders me. Did CBD ever meet my she-who-should-not be named- here aunt (wink! wink!) or how else did she draw her character so vividly?

I was less happy with Anju and Sudha, though. Anju being the more ambitious among two, never ventures into anything other than reading literature, and the vivacious one that she is, never fights enough when her college education is stopped. Sudha, should have been allowed to have little more vanity just for the reason that she is so pretty (aren’t all pretty girls snooty?) and not so mimic and docile. Or was it that the burdens of secret made her forget about her own prettiness? But at the end, it made a beautiful story of sisterly bond. The complexities of the characters, their intertwined past, the drama and secrecies kept me glued to the book, till the end of the book.

I am happy that I read this book. It saved me a lot of hard work to try to write a second (or third) class cheap quality book on sibling relationships. I was little furious though as the author left it to me to extrapolate how it would go at the end. But just saw that those two characters are reunited in Divakaruni’s another novel "The Vine of Desire". So, I will have to grab that book soon.




Now that I realized that writing book on sibling relationship is not such a novel idea, I kept stumbling on more books on similar plotlines. The current one I am reading is Brick Lane, by Monica Ali which though tells the story of an uneducated woman who relocates to London after marriage, but it also has an important supporting character in the role of a sister (who happens to be very beautiful. again), whom we never see in the story, but get to know her through her poorly written letters. Since Brick Lane does not only tell about two sisters but also deals with Immigrant’s issues, religious and political, racial and women's issues, and also I have not finished the book yet, I will talk about it later.
2

Quarter Life Crisis III

Dear readers, if you have got bored at this moment, please jump the next three paragraphs. I cannot help but give some details of few of my other experiences with would-be grooms.

The next one was a guy who was studying in USA. His mother was in-charge of setting his alliances and was acting on his behalf. She called me several times during my work hours. Her demands were unique. I should promise her that I will clear my GRE, get an acceptance in the same University where her son was studying, and take an admission there before she solemnise the wedding. This time it was my mom’s turn to get shocked, and she intervened and put a stop (more appropriately a comma) to it.

The oasis in the desert was a guy from Canada, who wrote very nice emails. He genuinely or pretended to take interest in my likings and hobbies. But all his emails had a funny subject “Raj from Canada”. Probably he thought that the email would get lost if the return address was not written. Or probably he thought I will confuse him with the Raj from UK of DDLJ fame.

My harassment did not end at the hands of suitors only. Crisis crept to my personal life, which included home. My mom’s reactions started with simple distress - “All your friends are getting married”, to whimpering “I feel ashamed to go and attend wedding ceremonies now-a-days, everybody asks when is yours” to howling “Do you want us to live in this society?”

My crisis reached its peak when I got a job offer from USA and I started with my H1B. Then, the guys in India would not take me as I was leaving, and the guys in USA would delay the alliance process saying “age ashte dao” (let her come first). They could not believe that anybody can get a job in USA without a software professional degree.

At that point even I had a thought that probably I am going to die an old maid. I consulted my friends who were going through similar fate. And they had weirder stories to tell. One girl who was looking for alliances through the matrimony sites was asked to email two copies of her birth certificate, two copies of her janam kundali (astro profile), the latest degree certificate, with three recent photographs (close-up, sitting and standing). She replied back that she was looking for an alliance, and not a PA job.

My cousin sister working in ICICI made a standard for refusing guys. Whoever will ask her for taking home loans will be rejected. She is still rejecting.

Another close friend who was doing her MPhil told an amusing tale. She had to go through the process of patri dekha (guy’s family coming to see the girl). She was politely asked by the guy’s father to sign her name in a white paper (an old tradition to see that the girl is literate).

Seasons changed, and fate brought me to UK. That same year in Christmas, I happened to bump into the guy whom I knew for nine years whose previous advances for a date were refused blatantly. Well, fate had taken its own turn, and it was my turn to get bowled. Cupid’s arrow did not miss this time, and we got married this April putting and end to my parent’s mid-life crisis and my own quarter life crisis. I am enjoying wedded bliss for the time being till I am hit with some new crisis.
0

Quarter Life Crisis II

Life at Mysore was blissful again with no potential suitors and no parental pressure for wedding. Two years passed like a flick and I again found myself suffering from single-woman syndrome. Two weeks into my first job and my mom’s excellent network service had made a potential suitor call me at Mangalore. I was informed of the call beforehand, and was ready for a friendly chat. But I had no idea that it was going to be a marriage interview. (Well, I did not have an idea that such things exist).

Important excerpts from the interview.
- When did you pass your Masters?
- Which University?
- When did you pass your Bachelors?
- Which University?

At that point I thought of producing my degree certificates, but had to restrain as it was a telephonic interview. I was waiting when he will ask what I do for a living (a job as a lecturer which I was too proud of and too eager to boast), but he never asked. The interview continued…

PG- How many boyfriends did you have?
Me- Some crushes, no serious ones.
PG- Ok, do not try to lie to me. I know many people from your school, and can get the truth out in two days.
Me- (Shocked… gasped for breath, and them mumbled) Yes, whatever. (And under breath- I can produce references/clean conduct certificate, if you wish).
PG- How much importance do you give to money?

By that time I lost all interest in him and specially no interest in his money, and so mumbled something in reply. He concluded the interview stating that I was successful at that instance and was suitable for the position of a housewife. He forgot to ask if I was interested to take that position. He described in no uncertain terms his intentions of getting a decent wife with a professional qualification, and she should stay at home to look after the house. In short, he needed an educated kaamwali.

To be continued...

Quarter Life Crisis I

This post is applicable only if being on the fair (?) side of the age of thirty can be considered as the first quarter of my life.

I took a looong hiatus from blogging (and everything else). And (hopefully) for the right reasons. On April 17th, I tied the knot with my friend, Srikanta. No…no...this is not the crisis. But this was the end of the beginning of a long crisis.

It started in the summer of 2001. I came home to enjoy a 10 day’s vacation from college. My last UG exam was over and I was officially a graduate. Pursuing the idyllic life of an internee was heavenly which also meant having more money in pocket than I had ever seen together. But most importantly I just hit the hazardous age of 22. Any girl of 22 or who have already passed that age would understand the hazards related with that age.

The female relatives of the family became extremely uncomfortable (i.e. concerned with my age). So one afternoon my mom along with my aunts paid their (loyal) visit to the family astrologer who gave the verdict that the daughter of the house should get married before she is 23. And since that day, my life changed forever.

My mom’s network (family and friends and their family and their friends) wasted no time in hunting down potential grooms for me. And, I, the hapless victim remained a mute spectator of the mayhem (and could only pray for some miracle to happen). No miracle happened. When the first suitor arrived, I fled. I was traced down to my Aunt’s (pishi) kitchen savouring ilish maach bhaja. My poor pishi had no idea what was going on and believed that I had come to stay for the day (with my parent’s consent).

I was mercilessly dragged, pulled and shoved to home. And my mother asked me the age-old question every mother asks their daughter in such situation.
“Are you…..”

No… wait…stop guessing… because I know what you are thinking.

When I was telling the same story to my Estonian friend, she stopped me here, and told, “Well, when I broke up with my boyfriend, my mom asked me the same question- Are you a lesbian?”

No… my friends, my Mom did not ask me that question. I guess she did not have such creative ideas. She also did not bother to ask “Do yo have a boyfriend”. She was too confident in her understanding that I stand no chance with guys and could not have had one. She rather asked, “Do you want to get married at all?” Simple question… eh? But my simpler answer, “Yes…but not now” could not pacify her disappointment.

My friends who know me for the last decade already know how I escaped my mom’s marriage trap when my father intervened. My persuasion with him led to a negotiation. He came out with the simplest solution. If I continued with my studies, marriage would be postponed.

I do not want to elaborate here and bore my readers with details about how a non-academician like me had to do the donkey-work with books and journals for the next one month to clear the entrance exam for the Master’s course. Miracles do happen, and it did happen this time. That August Mysore saw me starting my Master’s course.

To be continued.....



Related Posts with Thumbnails
Back to Top